Don't Focus on the Number
I had a doctor appointment yesterday and I got weighed. I was slightly annoyed to see that I was exactly the same weight as I was last Saturday at Weight Watchers. When the nurse left the room to get the doctor for me, I sat there, repeating to myself, "don't focus on the number... don't focus on the number... don't focus on the number..."
I know that I'm getting thinner. Pretty much everyone I saw yesterday happened to tell me that. I need to not focus on the number on the scale because I know that with less than 6 weeks (OMG!!!!) to go until the wedding, that number is not going to reach the number I want it to be by the big day.
What I have to make myself realize is that's okay. I'm looking great! I'm feeling great! I don't feel like I need to eat all the time and I'm feeling much healthier. If I trap myself into that old way of just thinking solely about the number on the scale, I'm never going to be happy or just enjoy life. My whole life shouldn't be about avoiding celebrations or situations where I might be tempted to indulge because I can't trust myself not to eat those things. It should be about complete balance. Only eating when I'm truly hungry. Not having dessert just because I have the points available or just because it's there.
I've had a few "non-scale victories" over the past month or so where I've been around a really favorite sweet thing of mine and I've not had it - not because "I shouldn't" but because I just didn't feel like eating it at the time. I'm really proud of what I've been able to accomplish and I hope that I'm really making a lifestyle change this time and not just dieting.
I don't think that I'm really there yet because I catch myself thinking about how much I'm looking forward to the Wedding Cake (mmmmmmmm... can't wait. My birthday is 10 days before the wedding and I keep thinking that maybe I want a small cake in our wedding cake flavors for my birthday...) and how I'm going to let myself have fish and chips and beer when we're in London for the Honeymoon and how going out to eat will be a little easier after the wedding. And then I stop and realize that if I completely stop thinking about how I want to eat, look, and feel, I'm only going to be in the same place that I was six months ago. I should be able to indulge in those things every once in a while, but that's the key: every once in a while. I need to keep in mind that my daily, every day eating habits still need to be healthy and I need to remember that I am enjoying exercising and I need to keep doing it every day!
I guess they say that it takes 30 days to develop a habit - or something like that. I've still got a little over a month to go until the wedding and I know that I'll be able to keep it up throughout that time. How many days does it take to break a habit? The challenge will be to keep it up after the wedding and honeymoon...
**Edited to add: I feel like such a hypocrite. I write this big post about not being concerned with the number on the scale and focusing on how I feel etc this AM, then go to Weight Watchers and find that I've lost 2 lbs and am all celebrating... I guess I can be happy about the number on the scale, just not make it the only thing that matters.
