daydream believer

but not a homecoming queen.

I daydream so much, sometimes it's hard to determine what is reality and what I just dreamed up. That's pretty bad. Some days I'll dream out a whole scenario in my head:

I'll go to Mobil after work to get gas for my car and realize that I have a couple dollars cash, so I go into the store and pay and, on a whim, I'll pick up a "Win for life" scratch off ticket. No, it'll be a "Set for life"... Anyway, so I'll shove the ticket in my bag along with my change and go back out to my car and drive home, where I'll throw my bag on the desk and get changed and start making dinner. After dinner, I'll sit on the couch with Alex and watch TV until I fall asleep, then wake up around midnight and check my email and pay some bills and then go to bed. I'll begrudgingly wake up the next morning and drag myself to work.

I'll somehow make it through the morning and go to Mobil on break for coffee, where I'll remember that I bought the scratch-off ticket the night before. I'll go back to work and at my desk I'll pull out the ticket and the shiniest penny in my change purse and scratch away. I'll see two "Life"s and stop scratching. One more "Life" and I'll be a winner!!! I'll look around to see if anyone's looking, cross my toes (because it's hard to scratch when you've got your fingers crossed), take a deep breath and scratch the rest of it. Then I'll stare in disbelief at the third "Life" looking back at me. I'll look at it again. And again.

And then the realization that I've won $5,000 a week for the rest of my life will set in. And here's where the fantasy splits, depending on the kind of day that I'm having... I might run over to Mary Ellen and say "I'm not working here anymore, how 'bout that?!" and then maybe add a "boo-yah!" as I run out the door. Or I might just quietly put the ticket in my wallet, finish out the day, go home and type up my letter of resignation and hand in my two weeks notice at the end of the week.

I'd pay off my loans, get a convertible beetle, and buy one of those fabulous large older homes in Albany that I love to walk by and stare at. I'd be able to decorate my house any way I wanted to. I'd have time (and money) to take cooking classes and any other sort of class that just sounds interesting to me. I could travel... I could afford to have kids and be a stay at home mom. Sigh...

Some days I get so into these daydreams, I have them so intricately planned out, that I get confused when I stop dreaming as to what is reality and what I made up. I get excited for going to Mobil (or wherever else the daydream may have taken me), only to realize that in reality none of the things that I daydreamed about were going to happen. It's sometimes a real disappointment to "wake up" and get back to reality. I don't quite think that's healthy...