"Is that your underwear in the kitchen?"
i was sitting at my cubicle and my stomach started growling at me so i decided to feed it. so i grabbed my potato from my price chopper bag and decided to forgo putting my sneakers back on (who can sit at their desk with shoes on?) and just run into the kitchen and pop the potato in the microwave. i threw it in the microwave and set it for 8 minutes on high. i padded out of the kitchen (i know, it's gross to walk around an office without shoes on, but whatever).
Meredith got up from her cube shortly after i sat down to go get her lunch ready. she came back from the kitchen complaining that i was hogging the microwave because there was still 5 minutes left on the timer. then she said, "is that your underwear in the kitchen?" we (Carrie, Danielle, and I... the boys in the claims department were all out to lunch at the time) were all shocked at the question and questioned whether there was really underwear in the kitchen and she said that there was a pair in there sitting in the middle of the floor and she didn't realize what they were at first but when she did she kicked them in a corner. we all laughed a bit about there being underwear in the corner of the kitchen and i said that maybe they were stuck in someone's pant leg and it's embarrassing when shit like that happens. i didn't remember seeing underwear there so i asked her what they looked like. she said they were blue with some sort of pattern on it and they looked like they were string bikinis.
and then i slowly came to the horrific realization that the underwear in the kitchen was mine. i was wearing the jeans that i wore last night after work today. and at the end of the night i'd quickly taken everything (jeans, socks, underwear) at the same time and threw the jeans on the floor. this morning when i put the jeans on (always in a hurry) i remember a sock fell out of one pant leg. i didn't expect anything more to be in the pants because i saw the other sock on the floor... my face burned red as i realized that my underwear from yesterday had hitched a ride in my jeans and gotten loose in the kitchen at work.
now, a smart person wouldn't have said anything.
"oh my god i think those are my underwear!" i blurted out. everyone looked a little horrified but collapsed into laughter immediately and i ran down the hall towards the kitchen laughing hysterically to check and see if it was, indeed, my underwear on the kitchen floor. i just about ran in the kitchen when i realized that two of my male coworkers, keith and john, were in the kitchen eating lunch. i ran halfway back to our cubes and stage whispered to meredith, carrie, and danielle that keith and john were in there and then i sort of composed myself and walked into the kitchen to pick up my potato from the microwave (and check to see if the underwear in the corner was mine). i casually walked over to the microwave (shaking with silent laughter) took my potato out and placed it on a plate and turned to leave. when i turned around i saw my underwear sitting in the corner. i started to get a little hysterical again and kept gasping for breaths between bouts of hysterical giggles and i guess it sounded like i was crying because john asked me if i was ok. i managed to tell him that i was just laughing and i scooted out of the kitchen and back into my cube where i continued to laugh so hard until i couldn't breathe and my sides hurt.
the kitchen had filled up with people eating their lunches and so there was no way i was going to go back in there and pick up the underwear. no one had discovered it yet, so i was planning on waiting it out and sneaking in when everyone left and then i'd grab the renegade underwear. we all sat in our cubes and tried to get work done or eat our lunches but we kept giggling. and then suddenly there was a loud sound coming from the kitchen. they'd discovered my underwear. apparently peggy, the support services supervisor, had come into the kitchen and was talking with the lunchers and saw the underwear in the corner. not knowing what it was, she picked it up and when she realized what she had in her hands she threw them out. at least it was taken care of. and at least those were clearance underwear to begin with. (seriously, i'm so glad it wasn't a thong... but i wish they'd been cuter underwear... those were kind of everyday run of the mill underwear... just cotton... well, they were leopard print... but they were blue and not even low cut or anything...)
shit like that seriously only happens to me. and this is why i need to write a sitcom. or a book. well, when i fictionalize it, it'll have a better ending anyway. also, it's kind of ironic that in the post below from this morning i wrote about how i need to be more interesting...
(oh, and as a post script, peggy came over and was talking to michael about the found underwear because he was in there when she found them and they didn't know that it was mine and he described the underwear as very "custom"... what in the world does that mean?)
