so i was supposed to go out last night w/becky but on her way here she got a call (she's a volunteer fireman... or i guess it would be fireperson or firewoman, but becky's not that picky and we kinda think it's gay when someone gets all particular aout crap like that). anyway, so she was stuck helping the rest of her fire company try and move a 500 lb man (how do you get to that point? really. i mean, really. eww.) until late and we didn't end up going out, but that's ok because i entertained myself with crap tv and saved a couple bucks by not going out... i watched the NFL kickoff concert on CBS. i can't believe they actually had football players walking a catwalk in a sort of fashion show. it was so entirely gay. i mean, really. i don't want to watch football players strutting down a catwalk, i want to see them slamming into eachother on a field... i think the only way they got everyone to agree was to have the football players escorted down the catwalk by models wearing only football jerseys. bon jovi was great. he's still hot. and they sound great live, unlike some other bands that sound like crap and it's hella dissapointing. they did some queer thing where they tried to make a connection between 9/11 and the NFL, which i felt was stretched, and it seemed like they were trying to rationalize their being in NYC having a party. after that was over i watched "married, with children" which i haven't seen in forever because i generally hate that show. after watching an entire episode last night i realized that my thoughts on that show were completely right and i hope to never watch it again. then i watched "king of the hill" which was great. the beavis-like character who's always smoking and talking in monotone cracks me up. anyway... adventures in bad television...

why do the people who live above me suddenly at 11:15 pm every weeknight put on construction boots and stomp from one end of the apartment to the other? and why do they periodically drop bowling balls as well? i don't understand.

i'm such a horrible iron-er. i just spent 20 minutes ironing a skirt and polo to wear to work tomorrow, and you couldn't tell by looking at them... they're just hot and they smell funny now. my ironing board is built into my kitchen and the cover/pad on it smell vaguely of old cat. i've febreezed the hell out of them, but smell continues anytime hot iron is placed on top... smell then transfers to clothes. so clothes that were freshly out of the wash now smell like old febreezed cat. icky. then i have to febreeze clothes. why bother washing them, really?

7:26pm am sitting at my parents house thinking how weird it is to be sitting here bored now that i have my own apartment to sit bored in. i will go home now... just after i fold my towels... free laundry rules.

i love it when the radio loves you. on the way here earlier pyx 106 played Metallica ("sad but true") and then The Black Crows ("she talks to angels") for me. it was very cool. i'm completely in love with "she talks to angels" right now. i dunno what it's about, but i love the mood of the song... anyway... it's just such a bonus when the radio randomly plays just the kind of music you want to hear....

whenever i come home i eat like a pig. i guess it's because i never have any food at my apartment. but i eat like i'm not going to eat again for days. complete binging on awful-for-me foods today. am a horrible person.

11:55am work today has been ok, with the added bonus of both doctors going to lunch for the last hour that i'm to be here. so now i can just relax without having to worry about looking busy.

was just informed by dave, guy who does the billing, that i get free "accidental death and dismemberment" insurance coverage of $3500.00. so great. if i get dismembered my dad gets $3500, which sadly is not nearly enough to begin covering my assorted debts. he should throw a cheap funeral, so he gets to keep most of it. perhaps he can have me turned into a diamond as in article i found last week... cannot think of who i'd want to keep me though. not my mom. not my sister. damn. cannot wait for the day to come when i can put down a significant other instead of my father as a beneficiary. tim had named me as a beneficiary on his life insurance policy through work. said i was his fiancee. he certainly used to like to throw that word around. ass. i guess i could have him killed and get bonus money out of the deal because he probably never changed the policy...

have found the best radio station to listen to at work. i have it streaming over the internet. it's 99.9 the hawk out of easton, pa. "classic hits without the hard rock." i like "the hard rock" a lot but it's probably not appropriate for at work, so this is perfect. only problem is, i keep getting excited about sales/contests/promotions that i hear on the station and then i realize that these are all occuring somewhere in pennsylvania... now that song that i can't understand the words is playing... what are they saying? i swear its, "wrapped up like a douche" but that's pretty gross, and i'm sure that's not really it. becky says that it's "wrapped up like a deuce" but i don't understand what that would mean either. although, she's probably right. i'll just go on singing douche though...

guy just came to window of my office to check in. when he left it smelled like really strong gum and faintly of cigarettes and cologne. just like tim... i hated that he smoked, but that's just exactly the same way that he'd smell when i'd hug him. miss old tim. hate evil, darth tim. should freakin' let it go. will stop thinking of it. now.

class tonight was ok. i don't think my teacher likes me. she may have heard a comment that i made to another student during the break about having an incredibly funny line from a book pop into my head while the prof was lecturing and having to fight from laughing out loud randomly in the middle of class. that could piss her off, knowing that i apparently think she's so uninteresting that i'm thinking about lines from books i've read. then when i was talking with some people about trading spaces i noticed her looking at me with what i thought to be a very patronizing expression on her face. and then during the last part of her lecture i started yawning (through no fault of hers, she was interesting, i just needed more oxygen) and she stopped class early because "people were yawning." she hates me. that sucks. i'm going to have to participate more next time so that she'll like me (that will probably backfire as i'll most likely say something she thinks is stupid or doesn't agree with...)

i've decided tonight to never name anyone susan as they will turn out to be either a) a bitch or b) dumber than bricks. there's a dumber-than-bricks-susan in my class who kept making all sorts of vaguely off-topic comments about her personal life/experiences. people like that are so annoying.

there is this guy in this class who i think is pretty good looking, and i noticed him last time also... he's tall and it's obvious he exercises a lot or plays sports, and he's apparently taught some high school regents course so that makes him probably a little older than me. we've made eye contact a few times, and if i wasn't so shy (or if i was a little drunk) i'd start a conversation with him... but i completely didn't tonight when i totally have the chance... when we were walking out of the building we were practically walking right next to each other, but i didn't say anything... i'm so disappointed in myself... driving home, i passed him walking in the same direction as my neighborhood. becky says that next week i should offer him a ride. i don't know about that yet. i mean, he seems nice in class, but he could be a murderer or something. next class i resolve to sit next to him, or at least say hi during the break. i must get over this annoying shyness.

From Tuesday 9/3/02:

4:30pm am sitting in my car in the middle of the parking lot with my left blinker on waiting for the woman who got into her shitty blue car on the left to back out. hate following people in parking lots to find parking spaces, but if i didn't do it tonight i'd never get a spot. she got into her car and turned it on right away, but now she's just sitting there. class is starting now. she saw all of the cars combing the lot for spots and stalking people as they strolled to their cars.
it's been 10 minutes now. cars are going around me. stop doing that! she'll never pull out now!
finally!! she's pulling out! i mean, what was she doing? writing her thesis? come on lady, let's go. you've inhabited that spot long enough... now to class...

4:45pm had to walk into class (philisophical foundations of education) late. very embarrassing. (so is my spelling). at least my name is at the end of the alphabet, so i didn't miss saying 'here' for attendence. the prof just asked if i came in late (yes) had to go to front of the room to get paperwork that was already handed out. how am i the only one who couldn't find a spot? when did these people get here?

5:15 this class definately has the potential to be boring... i think my prof is a priest. i can't tell. he doesn't dress like one.

5:45 ok. definately a priest. either that or people just like to call him father gulley.

6:05 bugbites. lots of bugbites. all over my ankles. pants keep brushing them and making them itch. going to die. or scratch right through my skin. don't think about it. how did i get so many?! i did go to the country drive in last night for ice cream, but i was wearing long jeans and long sleeves. it was my damn shoes! i have billions of big, honkin', but oddly enough perfectly circular bugbites all over my ankles. viscious, blood-sucking bugs. what purpose do they serve, really? spreading disease? i just remembered an article i read earlier today at work that said 10 - 15 people a year die of the plague in the US. spread by bugs. i am suddenly certain that perfectly circular welts indicates presence of the plague. i am going to die. at least there's a priest here.

6:10 now we're watching a video, "see dick and jane lie cheat, and steal." Tom Selleck is the host. definately of the "three men and a baby" or perhaps "three men and a little lady" era. his hair looks plastic. they keep showing him standing next to a crib. what was the baby's name in that movie? something british sounding i think...
gotta love all of these late 80s/early 90s styles. mullets abound!
they just described the area around ithaca, ny as "the rustic tranquility of rural new york state." ok. i don't know much about ithaca, but i know it's a college town, and i'm thinking it's not really all that rustic.
ok, they just showed a clip from "he-man." that rocks! what a stupid looking hero he was. he had girl hair. i loved that show. i liked she-ra more though. but you couldn't beat that scene in every he-man episode where he was in front of the castle thing with his sword raised above his head... i think i'm the only one in this class that appreciated the he-man clip. everyone's so lame.
some girl wearing a tiny jean mini-skirt, a tube top, a ton of makeup and huge hoop earrings just tried to sound smart by saying "how can they morally and ethically conduct an experiment where they deprive the control group of these great programs! do they get them later on?" she seemed really insensed (spelling?) that the kids in the control group might be missing out on something. i just wanted to shout DUMBASS in a big/loud voice. you couldn't conduct an experiment like they did without having a control group, i don't think she understood what a control group was. the teacher just kind of looked at her and said, "right" and asked if there were any other comments. people are so dumb.

9:42 i am incredibly pissed. in my second class we met in the library and had a short lecture, then we were "set free" until a certain time when we were to come back and discuss our topics for our research proposal with our teacher. we had to draw the times out of a shoebox. i, unfortunately, drew 9:25. i waited around till then and then found out that he was running over 20 minutes late, so i had to stay till 9:45 (when class would normally be over) to find out that i'd wasted my time and i'd have to meet with him next week. i could have been home, watching american idol (you've got to have your trash tv...)

was reading my posts lately and decided that i need a new format. posting everything that was going on worked out well for me in the past (would never have found out what a bastard ex-boyfriend really was if hadn't posted everything that i knew to be going on and having those in the know inform me of actual events). but having started new life as singleton (yes, i just finished reading bridget jones' diary) i realized that posting everything may not be so adventageous in the future. in fact, have recently edited/not posted some of the things was going to post because they don't exactly need to be put up for the whole world to (potentially) see. so i've decided to keep a journal and post the highlights and interesting/relevent/sharable/humorous things here. also apparently have decided to omit the pronoun i for some reason from most of these sentences... this new format will probably seem exactly the same, except for most of the things i post will have been written beforehand and thus timed and dated differently from when they were posted, but who cares. it'll be different to me. perhaps will follow with revamped look, as am tired of current state of site.

so. haven't posted in a while. i'm lazy. worked the overnight shift saturday night at the hospital. i so love working overnight. i can just sit there alone at the desk and do my work or read or desperately try to stay awake... that's what it was like at 6am sunday morning. i wanted to die. i finally flagged someone down to sit for me while i "went to walk around a bit". yeah. i snuck down to the lounge at the end of the hall and slept for 15 minutes. and when i woke up i was all scared and disoriented. but i was much better getting back to work.

something weird always happens when i work overnight. this time there was some woman from room 228 who couldn't sleep apparently because she was up and walking around all night. she was tall and was wearing a red flowered housecoat and walked with a walker. the first time she came up to me she wanted me to call her church, our lady of fatima - but not the one in schenectady, the other one - and let them know that she was in the hospital, cause sometimes they forget to tell the parish. and last time they told the wrong one, and she got visited by the wrong priest. oh my god. so i explained to her that since it was 3am i didn't think i should be calling her church and how about she go to bed? but she stood there and talked and talked and talked until i wanted to die or kill her and then thank god the phone rang and i had to answer it and she left. then she came back later with a braid of hair. apparently she had cut her hair and kept it in a braid and she was going to give it to the little girl next door so that she could wear it on her head like a crown. frankly, i was horrified at the thought of some little girl wearing old lady hair on her head like a crown but all i said was, "that's nice." she talked some more while i smiled and nodded and wished i could be rude until finally she left again. i saw her a few minutes later cornering a respiratory therapist down the hall showing her the braid... later on she was back again with butterfly clips in her hair. they were glittery and on springs so they looked like odd alien antenna on either side of her head. at that moment i decided that i will never become old. i never want to be a lonely, crazy old lady wondering around the hospital talking to people and making them feel uncomfortable or bad for me.

also all night the lady in 212, which is the room directly across from where i have to sit all night, moaned all night long. and her name was elly, so when people were complaining about her i thought they were talking about me all night and i was very paranoid and thought they were being very rude talking about me right in front of me like i couldn't hear them until i realized that they were saying elly and not ali.

also the guy in 209's heart rate kept dipping down to like 38 which scares the shit out of me especially when they're not a dnr, so i had to keep calling down the hall so that the nurse could go in and check on him at which point he would wake up and his heart rate would climb back up to 60 until he fell asleep and it would slowly slide back down to 38 and we'd start the process all over again. i wanted to just shout "dude, wake up!" into the intercom into his room every time that happened, but i didn't think that would be very professional. one of the amazing residents asked, "who's that?" while he was watching the monitors over my shoulders (always makes me uncomfortable, especially when i obviously haven't been paying attention, or i've been reading/doing homework) and when i told him who it was he said, "oh. he was in the unit. he's dying." and then left. i was disturbed by that.