I'm gonna be a part of it...

went to NYC for the weekend, be back sunday evening :)

so i got a new pair of drinking pants today :) drinking pants are jeans that fit very well and make you feel confident... can't wait to try them out :) i'm going to the city this weekend. i'm heading to poughkeepsie tomorrow to check out beck's new apartment and then we're taking the train from poughkeepsie to grand central on saturday and we're going to meet eric and his girlfriend and hang out. i guess we'll probably stay at eric and sarah's apartment in brooklyn saturday night and then head home on sunday. we don't have any plans so far, but even if we just end up walking around and hanging out it'll be a good time. i'm excited :) morelater

so... my family's computer is broken. well, it's been dying for a while, but now it definately is dead.. and xp won't instal on it (i dunno, there may be something wrong with my disk - which would suck)... i'll try installing win2k on it tomorrow i guess... so here are the really dorky things that my brother said while we were working on the computer: "file allocation table, jeez dad" (in an exasperated tone) and "you know, he's not even in the credits for excel" (who reads the credits for software? especially something like excel...) he also accidently made up a new word today, "queet" which is what came out when he tried to say cool and sweet at the same time. david is just too amusing, everyone should have one. morelater

"and he didn't even want me to pay for it, he just made me close my eyes and suck it out of a hose."

i got some happy fun new things today :)

1) My sister bought me a new toothbrush that i absolutely had to have because it was orange and blue and just all around the coolest toothbrush i'd ever seen.



2)I got a new homie (he's the skater one)



3)i got a canadian cactus from price chopper :) it says "product of canada" on the back of it's little sign. i named it arnold because he looks like he has a tumor on his head (arnold in kindergarden cop: "it's not a tumor")



I'm very excited about my new happy fun things :) i was also very excited about having an excuse to use the close up mode on my digital camera (check out the pic of arnold the canadian cactus - i'm so impressed with it's awesomeness) morelater

so i ended up writing tim back. i didn't want to not write him back and then have him feeling that i hate him but at least he apologized so his concience could be clear. i wrote him and told him that i thought that cheating is the worst thing that one person can do to another in a relationship and that he left me feeling gullible and stupid. i said that he'd destroyed any trust that i had in him and that after finding out how much he lied to me i didn't know if i could believe him when he says that he's sorry. i said that i didn't want to dwell on it anymore and that i'm starting to enjoy being single again and i told him that i'm a forgiving person by nature who doesn't hold grudges and i hope that someday we can be friendly to each other but that now is too soon for me. i needed to write the part about cheating because i wasn't sure if he knew that i knew he cheated or not. well... he wrote me back. he didn't know that i knew, because in his reply he maintains his innocence. he says that he broke up with me because he hadn't been happy for a while and didn't tell me cause he didn't want to hurt me and that anything else came after the fact. he says that he didn't lie to me at all. but that's a lie. even if he didn't get together with anna until after we broke up (which i was told he was with her before he broke up with me) he still told me that there was nothing going on between them after we broke up. he said that he wasn't involved with her, when he was. he was telling her that he loved her, and you don't just tell that to someone you're just fucking or whatever. i mean, regardless of whether or not he actully cheated on me, he still lied to me about being in a relationship with her after we broke up. so now he's emailing me saying, i never lied to you, believe what you want... whatever. he did lie to me. and if he'd just freaking admit him maybe i'd be able to have the littlest amount of respect for him. but he's still lying to me. argh. i'm going to write him back one more time and then that's it. everything else gets deleted. i'm not sure what i'm going to say yet... morelater

so tim emailed me today. he wrote me to say that he was truly sorry and that he wanted to tell me that because he couldn't live with his conscience any more. he said that he understood my reasons for not wanting to talk to him and that he wouldn't write or call me, but that he hoped everything is well with me. i don't know what i even think about that. i mean, he lied to me so much and completely treated me without any respect. how do i know now that he's truly sorry or that he even understands how much he hurt me? it's too soon. i was just beginning to be able to get through the day without thinking of him and now he has to go and bring it all up again. if he's really sorry, then good, he should be. but i just don't trust him anymore and i don't know what to believe.

so i just left for linens and things when some guys came with a big truckload of mulch saying that we ordered it. but our dad had just gotten mulch last month and had just finished removing the pile from the driveway. anyway, the one guy told my sister that the order he had said our address on it and so they dumped it. then they asked my brother for a check for $107. at this point i had to come back to the house and get things straightened out. i pulled up to the side of the road and got out and started walking towards the two guys who were leaning up against their truck in my driveway. i said, "do you have a work order?" and i guess i must have looked pissed cause the one guy said, "smile". so i smiled and said, "do you have a work order?" and the guy was like, duh... then he looked in his truck and found a slip of paper that had our address on it, but the last name and phone number was wrong. when i told him this he realized that they'd made a mistake and started to get annoyed saying, well, i'm not shoveling that mulch back into the truck... he tried to call the number that was on the paper but it was disconnected. then he tried to call his boss, but he was out of the office for a minute. so they had to wait around in our driveway calling their office intermittently trying to figure out what they should do. we all kicked a soccer ball around the front yard while the one guy was asking me all sorts of questions. "did you go to shen?" "when did you graduate" "did you know chris nichols?" "do you go to college?" "what did you study?" these two guys were weird looking. the one that was asking me all those questions was younger, probably a few years older than me and he was a big guy - he said he played lacrosse and football when he was in school, but he wasn't very cute... the other guy looked like he was straight off the farm or something.. he was small, with a weak chin and bad teeth... finally they got through to their boss who told them to leave us the mulch for free and go back to the office. it was entirely random. so we ended up with 6 yards (a hell of a lot) of mulch for free. but it sucks cause now our driveway is half blocked again...

so last night was fun.. beck and i went up to lake george and met her brother and a few other firemen from becky's fire company. there was a firefighter convention up in lake george this weekend so the whole town was full of firefighters... we stopped first at a tent where one company's party had been going on, but by the time we got there it was pretty much over. we downed a couple of free drinks (who am i kidding... i didn't pay for my drinks later either - i love being a girl) before heading into town to go to one of the local bars. the bar we ended up in was packed, but most of the people there seemed pretty old to beck and i (probably late 20s to mid 30s), but we had a good time. we got miller light pins from some girl that looked like bottle caps that had flashing leds on it which we pinned to our shirts (which led to some guy later telling me that i had a nice flasher - eww)... we didn't end up staying there too long which was fine with me 'cause it was really crowded and really smoky and i'd drunk my captain and cokes way too fast... on the way out some 82 year old (ok, i'm exageratting but he looked old) guy that looked like pop-eye hit on me, which pretty much grossed me out.. we ended up walking around the village with beck's brother and the firemen until beck was sober enough to drive and then we headed home... i had a good time... i love lake george. you can get drunk and wander around town from bar to bar and feel safe the whole time 'cause it's a little resort town. and it's so nice by the lake. i really enjoyed camping up there last year... i hope i'll get to do it again...